So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
