God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
