Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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