I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
