my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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