i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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