I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
