I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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