Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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