I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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