the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
