Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
