He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
