Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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