Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
