Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
