No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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