it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And then he peed in my hair
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