I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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