but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
