Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
