so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
