She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
