Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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