he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
