i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
