All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
