I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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