you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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