Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it's like heaven, but drunker
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
