eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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