Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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