he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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