he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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