i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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