i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
