my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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