butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
