Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
