i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
