remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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