i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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