I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
