Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
