Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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