I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
