I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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