The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
