why didn't you poke me back
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
