My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
