if you like me you must not know who I am
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
