Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
