I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
