i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
