i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
