I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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