My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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