i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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