All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
