are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
