When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
