But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
