No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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