He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
