every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
