don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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