He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
