another moral hangover. fuck.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
