and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
