Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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