look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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