He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
