Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The adults are the big ones right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
