If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize