you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
