Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
