you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
