I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
